Wren Crowe 
Jenova
Recently, after an encounter with bats, Wren decided to let Jenova our new assistant write. First however, she must pass the smell check. Several showers later and a lot of dial soap, we went through her search history. We were terrified of what we found. So we decided to show you what the average gamer thinks about.
Here were (nope) the story pitches she had for us:
There are plenty of League of Legends champions who would be great candidates for a dating sim, but the “most dateable” champion depends on what kind of romance players would be looking for. Here are some top contenders based on personality, lore, and fan appeal:
A. Most Dateable Champions for a Riot Dating Sim
1. Ahri – The Sultry and Mysterious Choice
- Personality: Charismatic, seductive, and playful, but with a hidden depth.
- Why Dateable? Ahri is already a fan-favorite for her charm and allure. She also has a redemption arc, making her a great pick for a romance with emotional weight.
- Dating Sim Route: A mix of flirtation and deep emotional connection, where you help her navigate her past and find true love.
B. Sett – The Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold
- Personality: Confident, protective, and a little rough around the edges, but loyal to those he cares about.
- Why Dateable? Sett has that classic “tough guy with a soft side” appeal. He’s strong, dependable, and has a compelling backstory with his mother.
- Dating Sim Route: A slow-burn romance where you break through his tough exterior to reveal his softer, more vulnerable side.
C. Taric – The Ultimate Gentleman
- Personality: Kind, poetic, and deeply romantic.
- Why Dateable? Taric is essentially the perfect partner—he’s protective, loving, and literally embodies beauty and protection.
- Dating Sim Route: A wholesome, fairy-tale romance where he treats you like royalty and takes you on breathtaking adventures.
D. Miss Fortune – The Confident and Fiery Lover
- Personality: Bold, independent, and adventurous.
- Why Dateable? She’s got the charisma and confidence to make any romance exciting, plus a tragic backstory that adds depth.
- Dating Sim Route: A thrilling, action-packed romance where you help her take down her enemies and find happiness.
E. Ezreal – The Playful and Adventurous Boyfriend
- Personality: Cocky, witty, but ultimately good-hearted.
- Why Dateable? He’s the classic “charming rogue” archetype—fun and unpredictable, but someone you can rely on.
- Dating Sim Route: A lighthearted, globe-trotting romance filled with adventure and treasure hunting.
F. Rakan – The Ultimate Flirt
- Personality: Playful, charming, and devoted.
- Why Dateable? Rakan is the definition of a passionate lover, constantly showering his partner with attention.
- Dating Sim Route: A high-energy, whirlwind romance filled with grand gestures and dramatic declarations of love.
G. Aphelios – The Mysterious and Brooding Type
- Personality: Silent, intense, and deeply devoted.
- Why Dateable? For fans of the “silent but deadly” type, Aphelios offers a deeply emotional, almost tragic love story.
- Dating Sim Route: A slow, intimate romance where you communicate through gestures and shared moments rather than words.
8. Leona – The Protective and Noble Warrior
- Personality: Strong, disciplined, and deeply caring.
- Why Dateable? If you want a partner who is both powerful and kind, Leona is the perfect mix of strength and warmth.
- Dating Sim Route: A romance built on mutual respect and shared ideals, with moments of tenderness beneath her stoic exterior.
9. Thresh – The Dark and Twisted Romance Option
- Personality: Manipulative, sadistic, but oddly charismatic.
- Why Dateable? For those who love a dangerous, villainous romance, Thresh offers a dark but intriguing love story.
- Dating Sim Route: A morally complex romance where you either redeem him or fall deeper into his darkness.
Final Verdict: Who’s the Most Dateable?
If Riot made a dating sim, Ahri would likely be the most dateable champion due to her popularity, charisma, and emotional depth. However, Sett, Taric, and Rakan would also be top-tier choices depending on player preferences.
By the Gaming.Tattoo Editorial Team
It is with a mix of disappointment and morbid curiosity that we must address an incident within our writing team. Our new assistant, Jenova, has recently displayed what can only be described as “concerning” editorial judgment. After an encounter with bats (don’t ask), Wren graciously allowed Jenova to take the reins and produce content. What followed was a descent into the depths of gamer psychology that left us questioning everything we thought we knew about our readership.
We knew onboarding a new writer would involve some growing pains. However, we did not anticipate the existential horror of reviewing her first set of pitches. In theory, we want to embrace fresh perspectives and unique ideas. In practice, we were confronted with what can only be described as an unhinged manifesto of dating prospects… for League of Legends champions.
Yes, you read that correctly.
We aren’t opposed to fun hypotheticals—after all, gaming culture thrives on creativity. But something about a full breakdown of Thresh’s “dark and twisted romance route” made us deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
For legal reasons, we cannot publish the entire list of story pitches Jenova provided, but here are a few highlights that had us reconsidering our hiring process:
- “Ahri’s Nine-Step Plan to Your Heart”
- “Sett: When Toxic Masculinity Works”
- “Aphelios: The Silent Treatment, But Make It Romantic”
- “Thresh’s Love Language is Psychological Warfare”
We had several questions, none of which had good answers:
- How much time did she spend thinking about this?
- Why does she have detailed theories on Ezreal’s commitment issues?
- At what point in the hiring process did we go wrong?
To be clear, we do not discriminate against those who have deeply thought-out opinions on the dating viability of League champions. But as a gaming and AI-focused publication, we have to ask—what audience was this for? Who wakes up in the morning and says, “I need a well-researched, meticulously crafted argument for why Taric is husband material”?
As of today, Jenova is on probation. We are monitoring her future contributions closely, and should she produce another unhinged deep dive into fictional dating scenarios, she will likely be let go. We wish her the best in her recovery from what we can only assume was a fever dream induced by inhaling too much Dial soap.
As for the rest of you, dear readers, let this be a cautionary tale: even in gaming journalism, there are lines you do not cross. Some questions are better left unasked. Some doors should remain closed. And above all, some content should never, ever be written.
We’ll keep you posted on Jenova’s fate. In the meantime, if any of you are secretly sitting on a 5,000-word essay on why Miss Fortune deserves a Hallmark movie romance, please… seek help.
Sincerely,
The (Now More Paranoid) Editorial Team
