Wren Crowe 
Gender
A retort to Rex Huppke
Behold me, the Ideal Left Person – the perfect reflection of modern progressive thought, crafted from the pieces of political correctness and deconstructed gender norms. I am a shining example of what it means to belong to the enlightened left, championing freedom, equality, and all the ever-changing ideologies that make me unique… just like everyone else.
Through my activism and social media presence, I have carefully shaped this new version of myself, where I will say whatever feels right in the moment and change my mind when it’s convenient for my cause. Truth, after all, is nothing but a social construct.
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To truly be an Ideal Left Person, you must first tear down the very fabric of reality. Who needs facts when feelings reign supreme?
I am a living example of why objective truth is overrated. I don’t need any hard evidence to support my opinions. If it feels right to me, then it must be true. That’s why when I say there are a billion genders, I am merely celebrating diversity. Who needs biology when I can just call someone “they” and demand that the entire world immediately fall in line with my new definitions?
Yes, biology is so last century. Gender fluidity is the latest trend, and it’s certainly more empowering than living in the archaic binary system that limits human expression. After all, why settle for just being male or female when you can be anything you imagine? Maybe today I’m a “sharkkin” or “helicopter,” and tomorrow, I’ll be a toaster. Gender is whatever I say it is, and anyone who disagrees is simply a bigot.
Behold the greatness of intersectionality!
Another key element in my Ideal Left Person transformation is a deep-seated belief in intersectionality. I believe that all forms of oppression are interconnected, but only when it’s convenient for me. I can be an advocate for minorities, as long as their opinions align with mine, and I have zero tolerance for anyone who dares question my ever-evolving identity politics. If you challenge the narrative, prepare to be labeled a “racist,” “sexist,” or “transphobic” – even if you’re just trying to have a rational discussion.
The real key to success on the left is emotional manipulation. You need to twist reality until it fits your narrative. Facts and logic are for the unenlightened, like those backward right-wingers. As a member of the left, I will pretend to care deeply about issues until they no longer serve my cause. If a woman is facing discrimination, I’ll enthusiastically support her – but only as long as she fits my understanding of the perfect feminist. If she strays from the accepted narrative, however, I will be quick to silence her, for no true leftist would dare entertain an opinion that doesn’t fit the agenda.
Who needs biology when you can believe whatever you want?
Speaking of biology, I’m deeply offended when people refuse to acknowledge my preferred gender identity. If I say I’m a non-binary unicorn, you better respect it or prepare to be canceled. After all, tolerance means letting me say anything and everything I believe, while you must quietly nod along and nod to my enlightened ways. The idea that you might ask questions about my identity is not only intolerant; it’s violent. It’s not just your opinion anymore; it’s a hate crime.
It’s essential to cultivate the perfect leftist persona: constantly questioning reality, hating anyone who disagrees, and demanding your perspective be respected as fact. If someone dares to challenge me, I will call them out as a bigot, even if I’m unable to articulate exactly why I’m offended. Emotion, not reason, governs my interactions, and the truth is whatever supports my narrative.
What would Jesus do? Let’s pretend to care about him.
I’ll claim to be deeply compassionate, despite the fact that I often ignore the real-life struggles of people who don’t fit my political ideals. If a woman stands in the way of my progressive views, I’ll attack her. If a minority person questions me, I’ll silence them. And if you challenge my “facts,” I’ll accuse you of spreading misinformation. It’s simple: in the world of the Ideal Left Person, dissent is not only discouraged – it’s punished.
The ideal leftist never admits they might be wrong.
Ultimately, being the Ideal Left Person requires me to be immune to self-reflection. If I make a mistake, I will claim it’s not my fault – it’s society’s fault. Any action I take, no matter how harmful, can be justified by a larger moral cause. So long as I have the right feelings and the correct social media posts, my ideology is above reproach.
Facts are malleable, and reality is just a matter of perception. What really matters is that I am the perfect leftist – politically correct, intersectional, and absolutely unwilling to ever consider another viewpoint.
Now, I have become the Ideal Left Person: defender of feelings, destroyer of logic.
